Extending Kindness

Do you tend to extend kindness to people based on how you are feeling? Feeling happy, we smile or respond to people we encounter pleasantly. Feeling tired or angry, we lash out at the unfortunate soul that crosses our path.

Do distracted people that disrupt your day irritate you? Do you assume the worst of others or take everything as a personal attack?

Showing kindness to others challenges us at times. Many times we justify our choice to be unkind. They acted meanly or like an idiot. Why can I not do the same? I do not deserve that treatment and they need to know that, harshly.

The bottom line is we do not know what goes on in other people’s lives. Some people mask their pain and suffering well. Other people wear their emotions on their sleeves. This world contains many hurting people.

If we assumed that an unkind person may be suffering in some way, would we respond differently? I believe we might choose to engage differently.

Engaging kindly

What would happen if we decided to respond kindly to someone short with us? Our tone reflects no form of irritation. Maybe we even apologize if they think we have offended them in some way? I am not saying you agree if you have not; you apologize for making them feel that way. Even in kindness, they may attack back. We do not let that trigger us, choosing to disengage as kindly as possible.

If you believe in God, do your actions towards others honor Him? Would Jesus respond or act the way your mind is telling you?

Extend acts of kindness

Do you think of ways you can be kind to strangers? Maybe you hold the door open for the person behind you versus letting it slam in their face? See someone dressed smartly? Tell them. Someone has a great smile, remark on it. Cool tattoo? Tell them and maybe even find out the story behind it. Ask a server their name, remember and use it.

There are endless ways to extend kindness. First, we have to open our eyes and look at the people around us. Notice them. Acknowledge people who treat you kindly. Thank the people that have jobs that keep us safe.

A lot of us take for granted we have friends and family. Many people are alone or lonely. Noticing them, even with a brief smile, can lift their spirits.

Smile!

That said, telling someone to “smile”, versus you smiling at them, may backfire.

A friend told me a story about how a women at a grocery store told her to smile. She had a hard day at work and was dealing with sick parents. As she walked down an aisle, a cart blocked her path. My friend said she probably looked exasperated at the woman behind the cart.

She did not say anything to the woman. The woman looked at her and told her to smile. My friend responded, unsmiling, “Don’t tell me to smile.” Thinking “You have no idea what I’m going through.” The woman walked off.

The woman returned. She lashed out at my friend, swearing and going off on her. The woman actually took time to think about doing this. I suppose she felt justified to attack, choosing too see my friend’s comment and look as an attack against her. She did not try to empathize with this “unsmiling” being. She piled more negativity into the life of someone already suffering.

Why the woman engaged with my friend is a mystery. If the woman was truly concerned about my friend, she could have said something kind or asked an empathetic question.

Prompted to be kind

Do you think about people in your sphere that might be suffering, lonely, feeling isolated? Could you reach out and invite someone to coffee? Call on the phone to say “Hi”? Organize a social and invite them?

Have you ever been the recipient of someone’s kindness? As I went through chemo and surgeries for breast cancer, people’s kindness amazed and blessed me. Fresh-cut flowers and other treats showed up on my porch. An encouraging note or card appeared in the mail.

Ironically, these blessings tended to arrive on my bad days. COVID isolated me. These kind people had no clue of my state. God knew. I believe God placed me on their hearts and they responded.

I suffered and received random acts of kindness. If God tells me someone needs an act of kindness, I act. Knowing how my spirit lifted from random acts of kindness, I want to do the same.

Flip your mind’s narrative

As humans, we tend to be self-focused. Judging others without fully knowing what is going on in their lives. We choose to think the worst. We do not flip our mind’s narrative.

If I choose to flip my mind’s narrative, I acknowledge this person might be dealing with things no one wants to deal with. My heart softens. I am kinder.

I wish I could say I do this most of the time. As with all my writings, as I muse I take in. I remind myself not to use my humanness as an excuse to intentionally hurt others or carelessly use my words.

We are all works-in-process. We can change to incorporate and extend more kindness in our lives. It is our choice. Choosing kindness is choosing love.

Prayer

God of love, help us to love others, to be kind and compassionate, to forgive as in Christ, You forgave us. Jesus, help us to act as you would, to be kind to everyone we encounter as we walk through this life. 1John 4:16, Ephesians 4:32