Flipping the Narrative

Do you find it challenging to remain positive when things do not go according to your plan? Even when I try to prepare myself for unexpected delays, bad service or negative people, I find I do not handle these things consistently with kindness or grace or well at all.

Travel woes

Traveling by air these days rarely goes without some bump. Delayed planes, last-minute crew problems, decreased airport personnel resulting in long lines at check-in and security are common occurrences.

On a recent family vacation in which my husband and I were meeting our daughters in Hawaii, I had warned my daughters to prepare for delays so they could handle them with grace. I was all set to do the same.

While checking our luggage, the agent told us we had two middle seats. My husband had selected aisle and window seats in the premium section when booking our flights. She had no explanation for the change aside from the flight being full. The only seats available were two, non-premium middle seats not near each other and without power supply. I grumbled over the injustice of it all, forgetting my words of advice. I did not flip my brain’s narrative from “I cannot believe this, grumble, grumble!” to “I’m so excited I get to fly to Hawaii!”.

Restaurant woes

Where I live, a lot of restaurants are having trouble finding staff. A friend invited us out to dinner to celebrate her birthday. The restaurant of choice has a beautiful view, but service has always been sketchy there even before the pandemic hit and staffing became an issue. I knew this and prepared myself accordingly, so I thought.

As we sat waiting for water and a server to appear, my irritation grew. Admittedly, since we had waited an hour for our table, I was getting hungry. Having a martini, although enjoyable, killed any self-control of thoughts as alcohol tends to do. When our server arrived, she was nice, just not attentive. It started with no water and ended with two of the people with us never receiving their dinner (or me a basket of fries I really did not need but wanted nonetheless).

As my negative thoughts and sporadic grumbling continued, I watched my friend sit contently at the table, enjoying the view, weather and company. Although I am sure she was unhappy with the overall experience from a dining perspective (she later wrote a negative Yelp review), she sat with a smile on her face. She was able to flip her narrative. Where my narrative was “I did not think service could get worse than before. I can’t believe you don’t have your salad, etc.” her narrative was “What a beautiful night. Look at that view and that sunset sky!”.

Relational Woes

People hurt people, intentionally or not. I know when someone hurts me, it is hard from me to look at the offender with loving eyes. The narrative in my mind can be anything but nice. Flipping the narrative becomes increasingly difficult. But flip I must. Relationships, especially with people close to us, require intentional flipping of the narrative in addition to giving that person the benefit of the doubt. I will not give specific examples here in the essence of honoring and protecting those relationships.

Internal Woes

Lastly, flipping the narrative is essential in the way we think about ourselves. Allowing negative thoughts about ourselves to rule or define us benefits no one, especially us. Sometimes it is easier to advocate for another person. We accept negative self-talk, not realizing how much it can limit us. We need to stop looking at ourselves through the world’s eyes and start looking at ourselves as God sees us, His beautiful creations.

So next time you make a mistake, replace “I am such an idiot/stupid/etc.” with a laugh and “Glad I learned something new.” Or next time you look in the mirror, instead of allowing one critique about yourself, flip your narrative “I am so grateful I have a head of hair! Look at those eyes that allow me to see and that body that allows me to move!”

Flip it

Flipping the narrative works for any negative situation or thought. It requires intentionality and sometimes takes a lot of effort.

Flipping the narrative allows us to not miss the beauty in the world, in other people, in ourselves. When we flip the narrative, we flip from being negative to positive, even if just a little bit. Our hearts change. They soften, they become grateful. Gratefulness results in joyfulness.

So the next time you start to grumble or mumble, stop yourself and flip the narrative.

Prayer

Heavenly Father, renew my mind and help me to have a grateful heart. Remind me to slow down and breathe in your peace. Equip me to extend your grace, especially when I want to do anything but. Thank you for your love, for creating each of us uniquely and beautifully. Thank you for all the blessings you bestow, whether I see them or not. Help me to see and acknowledge. In Jesus’s name, Amen.