Saying Goodbye

A friend of mine recently found out a friend of hers died. She never got to say goodbye. Saddened by this sudden loss, she asked me if I had ever thought about writing about grief.

As I pondered grief, I pondered the act of saying goodbye. As unique beings, each one of us handles saying goodbye and grief differently. It is not uncommon that two people sharing the same experience will grieve differently. Some people like to talk about their grief, others need time to process it on their own. Some people need to say goodbye. Other people avoid it completely, slipping away without a word.

There is no “right” way to grieve. There is no “right” way to say goodbye.

Saying good bye means we are losing something. A result of loss is grief.

People

Saying goodbye is rarely easy. Saying goodbye to a person is saying goodbye to a relationship as it exists in that moment of time. We grieve the loss of the relationship, of not having the other person as a physical presence in our lives. We grieve any dreams we had planned with that person.

Dreams

As humans, we have dreams. Some of our dreams have preconceived timelines. Timelines we need to change or abandon. Some of our dreams involve other people. We have no control over others. This results in sometimes having to say goodbye to those dreams, like having grandchildren or working for your dream company.

An unfulfilled dream is a loss. It is OK, and healthy, to grieve that loss.

Our being

As we age, our being changes. We embrace some of these changes, like becoming wiser. Other changes, we do not like to embrace.

An illness can cause permanent changes. Overuse of our limbs cause our joints to wear down. A car accident or other accident involving our bodies can leave us with chronic pain or cognitive issues.

As these changes occur, we mourn the loss of our prior self. We say goodbye to that person who does not exist anymore. If we fail to mourn what was and accept what is, we can become depressed, always living in the past. We miss current blessings. Not accepting who we currently are prohibits us from loving ourselves. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot effectively love others.

Say Goodbye

If you were unable to say goodbye to someone, sit down and write a letter to them. Write down all you wish you could have said to them. Use pen and paper. There is something about physically writing a letter the old-fashioned way that helps us process the emotions we feel.

If you are mourning the loss of a dream or your prior self, write a letter about it, to yourself. Writing forces us to find the words to express what we are experiencing. As we write down these words, we release regrets that bring us down. This release can help us to move forward.

Loss will always be a part of living in this world. Learning to say goodbye to loss, to mourn and to grieve, allows us to heal.

Prayer

Heavenly Father, through King Solomon you told us there is a time to grieve, heal, weep, laugh, mourn and dance. As we cry out to You, comfort us as we work through our loss. Save us from our distress for we know our mourning is temporary, even if it spans years, but Your love for us is forever.

(Ecclesiastes 3:3-4, Psalm 107:13)